Zimbabwe: Disappointed in Most of You, Cdes

Source from:  Financial Gazette (Harare) 8 November 2007 11/09/2007

Dear Cabinet and Politburo members COMRADES, I am quite saddened with reports that I am receiving from my intelligence sources that some of our new farmers, among them many of you Cdes, have already started collecting your fuel allocations and taking it straight to the black market. I want to believe that these reports that I am getting are not correct otherwise I don't know what to say. What sort of treachery would that be? That the government struggles to import fuel under very difficult conditions in order to help farmers and some people sell the commodity on the black market? Well, don't say you were not warned. Anyone of you who will be found to be involved in this treasonous act will live to tell others that this government means business. The time for experiments is over. We have to start producing on those farms. The rains have started falling, this time around there will be no excuses. I am also quite embarrassed with this Chinhoyi diesel debacle. If I knew that it was going to end up like this, I don't think I would have involved myself, moreso considering the fact that I am a Christian. And by the way, how did this pesky newspaper get photos of some of you Cdes bare-footed? After that visit by the high-powered delegation, obviously I was going to be next to visit the area to see with my own eyes that God had finally answered our prayers and given us some fuel. Imagine me walking bare-footed and clapping every two minutes all because of some silly con woman! This is the reason that woman should be punished. She cannot fool us and get away with it. Never! And those of you who had started secretly consulting her on the succession issue should by now be knowing that what you paid for through the nose is nothing but snake oil and bottled smoke! This should be a big lesson for all of us! Last week police made a show of arresting Kadoma West Member of the House of Assembly Cde Zacharia Ziyambi and made an equally big show of looking for the Senator for the area Cde Ratidzo Gava. Their crime? Allegedly diverting thousands of litres of cooking oil from some firm in Sanyati to the black market here in Harare In the unlikely event that the two super-patriots might have been tempted to commit the so-called crime, CZ does not see why the police would have to over-react as they did as if the two were members of the opposition. Misrepresenting that they were taking the cooking oil to benefit their constituencies when they were taking it to the thriving black market in Harare? Is that a crime? What about those who purport that they are farmers and collect tens of thousands of diesel earmarked for farmers and sell it on the same black market...the same with maize, sugar, flour, cellphone lines...you name it! So what has become criminal about this particular case? Everyone is doing it. Everyone, except a fool. When the government deliberately causes confusion in the economy the way ours has been doing in the past few years, the whole idea is to benefit the connected few...and if you are part of that few and you don't maximize your harvest, then you are the biggest fool on earth! This is a clear case of victimization, otherwise what is it that they are alleged to have done that everyone in the party and government is not doing? Everyone including the less privileged members of the opposition. Grave matters CZ is told that former Tobacco Growers Association Chairman, Julius Ngorima, one of the few blacks who bought farms from white commercials farmers at independence, has for some time been fighting off some invaders who are being sent by some senior government officials to push him off his farm in Darwendale. The chefs from Zvimba, claim there are some graves of their ancestors on the farm so they want it...while everyone is praying for maximum productivity on the farms, others think graves are more important! Since some two months or so ago, electricity poles and cables at the farm were hacked down so the stubborn farmer could feel how it is like to offend the sun...he had to learn the new art of planting and irrigating tobacco without electricity! See, it is one thing to be given an offer letter but how many of our people can move on to a piece of land where there is nothing...so chefs and their minions have to look for farms where there is at least something...even if it means dispossessing successful fellow black farmers! And the latest Supreme Court ruling comes in handy! Hell All that glitters is not gold. Information reaching CZ is to the sad effect that this award-winning rights activist, whom we recently crowned employer of choice after she had snapped quite a number of journo colleagues from the State media, is in fact hell on two legs. CZ is told that most people who have been making a stampede in that direction are regretting. Beneath that patina of a toothless smile are large potations of bile, almost ready to drown anyone who dares challenge her power. So far this year, 12 members of staff have been cashiered...some of them by phone...and their cases are gathering dust at the National Employment Council for Social Welfare and Education! Who said something about absolute power corrupting absolutely? The abuse of power at the service organisation has become something of a life and death affair...more information reaching CZ says one female employee collapsed after this verbal assault and later died! Well, most problems start when some employees start digressing from their duties and try to arrogate themselves the thinking duties when it is very clear that only the boss alone has the prerogative to think. Offering a suggestion to the boss is a dismissible offence, let alone choosing to report to work dressed better than the owner of the workplace! Well, knowing women, back biting and gossiping is also a major contributor to these mass-dismissals. Ads Noticed the latest round of adverts on our TV screens? One by Destiny for Africa Network owner Cde Obadiah Msindo praising the establishment for covering up their years of failure. Since he is someone facing some very serious allegations in courts of law, no one is suggesting that he is trying to use those bootlicking adverts to wrest himself free because our judicial system is water tight...it cannot be manipulated by any government official or politician, the Great Uncle included! Many used to do it like that but as we speak now, they are rotting in jail. Cde Killer Zivhu, Cde Godfrey Nzira...want more names? For Life E-eh, Cde Caroline Marufu, our dearest relative, who is Miss Tourism Zim, has started hinting that she doesn't mind rigging another term in office. Zvakaoma! She has tasted power and now knows that the thing is too sweet to let go! So what will be the purpose of having those beauty pageants if some of the dubious winners would want to hold those titles for life? A front-page picture in a local weekly gave some of us an idea of what this whole noise about Miss Rural Zimbabwe is all about. Obviously Madam Mazibuko & Co will not see anything out of the ordinary with that--even vana-mudhara Pathisa et al defended it as part of our culture--but we would not mind seeing her like that along First Street in the capital. What we will see in this country called Zimbabwe really wears a hat! Enditem